Looking back on my life, I can pinpoint the moments that changed the course of my life forever.
There is something each one of these moments had in common: I was terrified! Imagine standing at the door of an airplane and looking down while someone counts to 3 and you have to jump! That kind of terrified!
In these moments you always have a choice, you can turn back and let that fear win while you stay exactly where you are, or you can freaking jump and see your life change!
Let’s go through a little history together. When I was 21 years old I found out I had been accepted into nursing school! When I was in high school my mom had a brain tumor and I lived at the hospital the majority of my senior year 6 hours away from home. I learned so much about caregiving during that time that I thought my dream was to be a nurse. I didn’t know that it was just simply helping people. Fast forward exactly one week after learning I was accepted to me finding out I was VERY unexpectedly pregnant (ever heard of someone getting pregnant on birth control? Apparently if you take a certain antibiotic the pill doesn’t work as well, who knew? I SURE DIDN’T) After my first semester of nursing school, at 22 years old I had my first baby, Grayson.
With all the joy of having a new baby, I was also hit with all the postpartum emotions that I wasn’t prepared for. I didn’t return to school, and my life took a sharp unexpected turn. I was young, my husband was literally working 24 hours a day, which meant I was alone with a newborn and my postpartum depression just started to spiral out of control. It got so bad that I quit leaving my house and I ate all of my emotions. I didn’t know how to cope with such big feelings. I would just sit and stare at Grayson all day. I was terrified that if I wasn’t watching him he would stop breathing, so I would go 72 hours without sleeping sometimes (hello crazy hormones!)
I gained SO much weight. I had no idea what was wrong with me, I just thought I was a horrible mom so I didn't say a word about it to anyone and I did not seek any help! It got a little better with time, but then I got pregnant again 2 years later. I immediately felt those rush of emotions coming back. I knew I wouldn't survive it again, so I talked to my doctor and FINALLY got the help I needed. (Seriously, reach out if you need help! There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, and it's OKAY to ask for help!)
They put me on so many different medications all throughout having Maci and all the way into having my third baby 2 years later just to try to help me cope with the postpartum depression and anxiety. None of it really worked and some of it just made me feel worse. After I had Brody (my now 5 year old) I had gained a whopping 100 pounds. I remember that first doctor's appointment when they weighed me and I saw 220 on the scale. I was mortified. How could I let this happen? I knew that I had to do something about it.
I went to buy my own scale after that so I could track my weight, and that next morning I stepped on it and just broke down crying. I knew I needed help but I didn’t even know where to start. I turned around to see a precious little 2 year old girl looking at me with tears in her eyes too, and I knew in that moment that if I didn’t make a change she was going to grow up with the same unhealthy habits I had and feel that way about herself too. I had to do something, so I stopped feeling sorry for myself and got to work!
That brings us to my first “jump out of a plane” moment. I had never stepped foot into a gym so I started by just walking the kids to the park everyday (around half a mile.) I did this every day for months!
One day I was sitting with my mom crying because I didn't know what else to do, and she made a deal with me. She would watch the kids for one hour a day if I committed to getting a personal trainer and starting at a gym. I had never stepped foot into a gym. I had no idea what I was doing, I was overweight, self conscious and SUPER intimidated, but I knew if I didn't go for it I would never lose the weight.
My first day I sat in my car for an hour just staring at the door. Eventually I worked up the courage to “jump out of the plane” and I walked in! I worked with a trainer (shout out to Emily!) for a month (it’s all we could afford) and she really encouraged me to try crossfit after that. Hello 2nd jump out of plane moment. I couldn't do that! I can’t even walk on the treadmill for 15 minutes. I promised her I would try one class.
At my first CrossFit class ever, we had to finish the workout by running a mile. Talk about FEAR! I wanted to run straight to my car and go home. I didn't do that luckily! I was the last one out there, and I couldn't run longer than a couple of seconds without having to stop. I vividly remember looking up at the door with tears streaming down my face, looking at everyone just watching me struggle to finish. I was so embarrassed and defeated.
I had a lot of great coaches when I first started that believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself! One of them came out and told me that I COULD do this when he saw that I was about to give up and that he was going to finish with me (shout out to you Eric!) He pushed me and walked with me every step of the way until I finished running/walking my first mile ever! For the first time in my entire life I pushed through and didn’t quit when it felt too hard! I did something I didn't think I could do! If it hadn’t been for great coaches, I probably wouldn’t have come back after that day.
My passion with fitness continued to grow, but I still wasn’t losing weight like I wanted to. I ended up finding a program that helped me get a grip on my nutrition, and I found a passion in my heart that I never knew was there. Over the course of 2 years, I lost 100 pounds, I quit all medications, and I had around 80 people under me that I was actually helping do the same on their own journeys. The same girl that couldn't leave her house for a year, and almost quit and was in tears trying to run one mile was actually helping OTHERS lose weight and be healthy.
Crazy what jumping out of that plane will do!
The next jumping out of the plane moment happened when I was offered a job as a nutrition coach. It meant uprooting our 3 kids and my husband quitting his career and moving 2 hours away from our family. The only home we had ever known. It literally felt like I was in that plane looking down and I had to make a choice right then and there. I’m sure if you are reading this you know the choice we made.
We could have fallen flat on our face, and eventually we almost did! You see sometimes when you jump it doesn’t end up how you anticipated. If you just hold on for dear life though, you will eventually see there was a reason. There was a bigger purpose that couldn’t happen if you hadn’t jumped! You may feel like you are falling for a while, but eventually that parachute will open up!
I worked as a nutrition coach for a different company for 2 years. I had finally found my calling and passion in life. We reached a point in that journey where we had to make another “jump” decision: step away and try on our own (this time moving around 5 hours away) and uprooting our kids again for something we didn't even know was going to work...or taking the safe route and Trey going back to work and moving back to Andrews. We had never started a business before and at that point had no income whatsoever coming in!
We both had faith that it was what God was calling us to do, so we jumped!
You know what happened after we jumped? Our business took off, more than we could have ever even imagined! We are now running our dream business the way we want to, and helping others change their life the way so many others helped me along the way! Trey and I get to work together and he gets to be an active dad and never miss a moment with the kids the way he did when they were little, and the way he would have if we had decided not to jump (again).
We get to LIVE life together, and to the fullest! We are truly living our passion in life!
I could go on and on about all of the ways we were blessed when we listened and jumped, but I have kept you long enough!
I want to leave you with this: All of the moments that got us to where we are today were moments that if I had let that fear hold me back and I hadn’t chosen to jump, I would still be that girl that weighed 220 pounds sitting on her couch and watching her kids sit around mimicking her behavior. I would be miserable, unhealthy with TONS of health problems just wishing my life was different.
I encourage you to jump when you are at the doorway of your own airplane and maybe...just maybe, you will fly!
“If only we would see that all limitations are self-imposed and chosen out of fear, we would leap at once” -Adyashanti